How to ignore the SAD and HURT

I think this post only my blog followers can read due to i stop my facebook account..Some of the peoples can't click the link that provide by me on my wall page d~

Last night,something happened..
The sadness still hasn't gone,insomnia the whole night..
Gastric the whole night..
Went out alone in the midnight,the street was so dark and quiet..
I should feel the scary but i didn't,maybe just because my brain is blank and the heart is pain...
Feels like to cry but i didn't..Just because i already used to it the feeling..

Maybe its doesn't matter to you but its matter to me...
Whatever you can do at me~ Hit me,scold me,bite me but can't ignore my call...
Do you know how sad is me when u click the end call button??
1st time.........
2nd times..........
It was makes me think back the case which is happened on 16th Oct 2009...
The 1st calling.....
2nd.........
3rd..........
4th..........
5th..........
Finally,voice mail...
My heart was as pain as heart attack..
After half year,i got the same feeling again..
I am not angry at all,but i sad and disappointed..
I could understand you were very angry and not in the mood when i calling you..
But,i really hope you can take care of my feeling..
Maybe for some guys,they never understand..
That why i didn't blame on anyone..

I don't dare to loves again..It was makes my heart damn pain...I promised myself cannot drop a single tear because of a guy..
After an hour sleep,woke up and out for work...When having my lunch alone at the corner,i was looking at the lunch box,all those rices are mixing with my tears..Telling myself,another 10 seconds gotta stop it...It's hard for me...
I need a shoulder, a hug, a talk...But i don't have...

Its hurt me so deep,is because i love u deeply~
I unable to forget the moment when i saw you end my calling..Never and ever~
Sorry..........

I have to say SORRY again to you as well,but i was just play for fun..Maybe you still don't know what's a girl purpose to do that~ But its not important to know anymore..
I hope you can forgive me...

Is it the only way to protect myself not to get hurt again is only to be alone, single and not available? I'm tired of it...

Chrys and Debbie.. See you guys on this coming Friday at KLCC ya~
Beer session and a long chat...
I don't care the eyes and the scar anymore...I need alcohol...

Danny and Kelvin..You guys really makes me *touching* till the tears dropping..Just because i unhappy and you guys planning to comes KL visit me and club with me...

Number,Daddy and my buddies...Thanks for the support although all of you don't know what's going on and what happened to me....You guys always give me a warm support without any question~

In these 2 weeks,2 of my ex came and look for me...I think i know what u guys want...But,so sorry about it...I won't let a same guy to hurt me the 2nd time...Whatever la,we still can be normal friend~

Without all of you,i don't know how to spend my sad sad day.. Thank to you all for the concerns ^^

Anyhow,after the long talk...I thought my sadness will gone...But it doesn't...Is it another insomnia night??